So, this is it. After years of planning, I’ve finally succeeded in throwing away a cushy career in tech so I can spend more time on creative projects (i.e. catching up on my video game and book backlogs.) I’d say something like “It only feels like a mistake most of the time”, but it honestly feels great. I can decide whether I’m “working for myself” or just “retired” in the years to come. Right now, I’m mostly just happy I managed to quit my job in time for Endwalker.
…damn, it really is crazy to think that I won’t need to log back in to work after New Years.
I can’t really help but worry about who’s managing my team now and whether they’re doing things as I would. Are they going to read through all of the unnecessarily thorough notes I left behind? Will they be as assertive in advocating for the team?
No, that doesn’t matter anymore. I have my own concerns. Jokes aside, I quit for a reason. I just don’t really know what that reason is yet.
Maybe that seems a bit haphazard, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. A known or understood reason isn’t necessarily better than an unknown reason. I know the reasons behind my career in software. I say “reasons” because there are more than one, but that’s not really true in any way that matters. There’s a chain of reasons, but each link solely exists to connect two others, and at each end are links connected to the true reason: to make someone money. On the link closest to me, the reason for my career is to make money for myself by doing something that I find easy. On the link furthest from me, the reason for my career is to make some wealthy people even more money. Theoretically, there are some peripheral links somewhere in between that involve some actual value for society. At both Microsoft and Tableau I worked on data processing and analysis tools: some people must be using those tools to do something that relates to reality. Most of the usage I’m aware of is in the service of making other people money via other corporations: actuarial data, marketing data, customer data, shipping data, etc. But, I’m sure someone is studying something important. At the very least, some of the shipping data must be helping to get a package delivered for a reason that matters.
Or so I like to think, but frankly, it’s mostly just about money. Don’t get me wrong: money is important! I haven’t had a lucrative job long enough to forget how important money is. But, once there’s enough of it to be safe and healthy, the marginal value drops off fast. What’s left feels… limited. The reason exists, and I recognize and understand it, but it’s limited.
How different to do something for an unknown reason! Perhaps I really will just alternate between enjoying various forms of media and rambling about it on this blog. Or, maybe I’ll find the inspiration to write a novel or album. I honestly don’t know yet, but that’s much of the point. For the first time since high school, I really don’t know what I’ll be doing in six months. Maybe each day will be similar to today, or maybe they’ll be completely different! Maybe I’ll do something that really matters, something full of purpose, or maybe it’ll all be completely meaningless. I’ve already thrown the dice, fingers-crossed that the numbers come back better than money.
So, that’s why I’m here. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do with my life, now that I’ve taken it back from my career, but though I’m looking forward to having more freedom, I do want to maintain at least a vague notion of structure and accountability. To that end, I plan on posting updates to this blog with whatever I’m doing. To start, I’m planning on working through my video game, book, and anime backlogs. I’ll also be learning to play piano and trying to write some fiction. I’m honestly not sure what sort of audience (if any) I’m looking for with this blog, but I was surprised to see how much enjoyment my friends found from my rambling observations on the first couple of Wheel of Time books and my play-through of Secret World Legends, so I may as well see if anyone else is interested. That might not exude the confidence expected from launching a new project, but I already quit my job, so clearly the mere possibility of failure isn’t going to deter me.
Oh, just saw the time! Merry Christmas!